1 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,720 - Aw, look, she's asleep. - Yeah. 2 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:09,520 Look at her. 3 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:12,160 Look. Look at her. 4 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,320 Can I have a cuddle now? 5 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:26,880 Sure. 6 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,800 - Can I have a mouth cuddle? - Mm-hmm. 7 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,600 What's funny? 8 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,720 No, it's-- it's the lullaby music-- it's-- 9 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,160 Sorry. 10 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,400 Do you want me to put on some Motoörhead? 11 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,160 I mean, tell-- tell me what you want me to put on 12 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,240 because I'd like to have sex with you. 13 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,760 Me, too. I just-- Can we do it in the morning? 14 00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,680 What's the matter? 15 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,280 Nothing. 16 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:02,520 No, you know what? 17 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:05,600 Sexual rain checks are abusive. 18 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,480 What? 19 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,720 What? I just got the fucking baby to sleep. 20 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,200 It's just not healthy, the way that you are with her now. 21 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,000 You know what you remind me of, the way that you hold her, 22 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:18,800 the way that you gaze at her? 23 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,600 Gollum. 24 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:21,960 from Lord Of The Rings? 25 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,040 Andy Smeagol, the weird CGI man-thing? 26 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,440 Yeah, I know who Gollum is. 27 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:26,760 Good, because that's what I see 28 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,360 - when I look at you now. - Because? 29 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,280 Because of the way you're all hunched over her, 30 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:33,920 like "Don't touch my precious. Stay away from my precious." 31 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,600 Well, you know, um, first off, 32 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,200 I thought you were comparing me to Gollum 33 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,320 because of my sunken eyes, so now I don't even care. 34 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,040 And secondly, look at you. 35 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:46,040 You're shouting at your family with a massive boner. 36 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,880 - Are you proud of yourself? - I'm not shouting. 37 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,560 Why are you still hard? 38 00:01:58,240 --> 00:01:59,520 Fran's seeing someone. 39 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,760 I'm 95% sure. 40 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:02,960 Why are you so sure? 41 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,360 She told me. 42 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,800 But I figured there's a 5% chance 43 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,200 she's lying just to piss me off. 44 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:08,840 Right. What are you going to do? 45 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,280 I'm going to wait until Jeffrey's 18, 46 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:11,680 then I'm going to divorce her. 47 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,240 Let Fran fuck her new lover boy 48 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,200 and I can fuck whoever I want to fuck. 49 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,800 Or hug, for Christ's sake. 50 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,360 I'd settle for a hug. I would. 51 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,040 I'll hug you. 52 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,560 Come on, then. 53 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,960 I'm serious, you know. You only get one shot at life, 54 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,440 and then you end up in a ditch or an urn. 55 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,640 I don't want to have any regrets. 56 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,160 Sometimes... 57 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,440 And I've had this feeling for a number of years 58 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:41,840 and never acted on it, 59 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,640 but sometimes I find myself thinking 60 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,440 that I'd like to have sexual intercourse 61 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:47,160 with women who have penises. 62 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:49,640 Right. 63 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,600 Where she plays with my penis 64 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:53,320 and I play with hers, sexually, in a bed. 65 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,600 Okay. 66 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,240 "Okay" okay? 67 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,480 Yeah. Okay. 68 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,640 You're separated from your wife. 69 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,560 You're 95% sure she's fucking somebody else. 70 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,080 If you want to do a consensual thing with another adult 71 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,160 that makes you happy or jizz, then you should do it. 72 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,640 It's not a gay thing. Don't think it's a gay thing. 73 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,160 - Who cares? - I do. 74 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,560 Okay, then it's not a gay thing. 75 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,120 Want to share a burrata? 76 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,680 Yeah. 77 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,800 Look at her. She's gorgeous. 78 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:26,600 Babies get so much attention! 79 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,080 It's nice, isn't it? For the mums. 80 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,640 It's funny, 81 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,160 but with all Jeffrey's film, TV work, 82 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,040 that's never really stopped for us. 83 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,840 Right. Where is Jeffrey? 84 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,680 He's, uh, 85 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,760 he's having some acupuncture done in his trailer. 86 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,360 Bradley Cooper won't make eye contact with anyone, 87 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,960 so he was getting a little bit anxious. 88 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,120 Hello, there, Mi... 89 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,520 Mu... 90 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,000 How do you say her name again? 91 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,520 "Mweren." 92 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,200 It's all character-building stuff, 93 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,360 isn't it, a tricky name? 94 00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,360 I wouldn't worry about it. 95 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,480 I'm not. 96 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,000 How's Rob? 97 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,280 How's Rob? He's, uh... 98 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,240 selfish, horny, good with the kids. 99 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:11,240 That must be nice, having a horny husband. 100 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,120 For the last year, every night I went to bed, 101 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:15,160 Chris pretended to be asleep. 102 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,480 Snores, sleepy little fidgets, the odd fart. 103 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,440 It bothered me at first, but then something inside me died, 104 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,520 and I just stopped caring. 105 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:24,960 I mean, I'm not saying 106 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,880 that you should have sex with Rob against your will, 107 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,440 but if you care about your marriage, 108 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:29,840 you definitely should. 109 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,360 I've taken a lover. 110 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,360 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 111 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,280 So, that's-- I mean, what are you going to-- 112 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,840 Well, when Jeffrey goes to university, 113 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:40,320 we're getting a divorce. 114 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:49,440 Five years. Just five more years. 115 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:57,840 Hello, nice lady. 116 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,960 We need to have sex, 117 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,360 but, like, good sex. 118 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,080 - Okay. - I've been thinking about it, 119 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,680 and the fact is we're gonna have a relationship 120 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,280 with each other until we die because of the kids, 121 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,400 and it can be good, or it could be shit, 122 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,560 but that's up to us. 123 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:08,960 I'm so glad you said that. 124 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,720 I saw a couple groping each other 125 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,200 on the Tube this morning, 126 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,280 - and I got so sad. - I know. 127 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,080 I watched that episode of Game Of Thronesagain, 128 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,200 where Jaime fucks Cersei beside Joffrey's dead body, 129 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,360 and even that made me sad. They were so passionate, 130 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,800 and they'd been together years. 131 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,160 Uh, it's-- it's not getting hard. 132 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,000 I don't know. 133 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,920 I mean, I haven't jerked off in, like, three days. 134 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,680 What'd you jerk off to three days ago? 135 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,600 A butt. A butt that I saw. 136 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,920 Are we sexually incompatible now? 137 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,920 No, we're just stressed and tired. 138 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,320 Okay. 139 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,000 Because I still fancy you. 140 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,880 I very fancy you. 141 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,000 Oh, hey, look. 142 00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,680 Something's happening down there. 143 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,040 It's not. 144 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,000 I mean, I can't sit on that. 145 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:08,360 Well, listen, let's-- 146 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,160 let's go away for the weekend. 147 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,920 Let's go to Paris or somewhere. 148 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:12,960 I'll get us a nice hotel. 149 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,880 We can eat steak tartare in bed, 150 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,960 and I can go down on you from behind 151 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,560 in a big hotel shower, like we used to do. 152 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,680 Or, if we're too tired because we're old, 153 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,080 we can just hold hands 154 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,760 and look out the window at the Eiffel Tower. 155 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,120 Does that sound nice? 156 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,280 Quite nice, yeah. 157 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,200 Uh, what about them? 158 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,640 They're not invited. 159 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,840 Oh, shit, is that this weekend? 160 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,000 - Yes. - I'm just messing. 161 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,520 How much would that suck? 162 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,200 Why are you always at home? Don't you work? 163 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,560 All I need to work is a laptop, 164 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,800 a phone, and this. 165 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,000 What, a shit hairdo? 166 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,120 - I only want the boy. - Too bad. 167 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,520 - You're going to Paris? - Yeah. 168 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:56,120 Oh, that'll be nice for you. A bit of culture for the Yank. 169 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,440 Actually, I did my junior year at college there. 170 00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,480 Really? 171 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,720 Moi aussi. 172 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,080 Tu parle français? 173 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,200 - Jesus. - Oui. 174 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,520 En fait, je parles français. 175 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,040 - Ooh, "en fait"? - Yeah. 176 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,280 Ah, fuck off! 177 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,760 This isn't the end of this. 178 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,760 Thanks for looking after the kids. 179 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,080 - We owe you one. - Not at all. My pleasure. 180 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,640 Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something. 181 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,840 I need, um... 182 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,080 a short-term loan. 183 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,960 I'll have it back to you in four weeks, 184 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,360 five at the most. Really. 185 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:36,520 It's a business opportunity, really. 186 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:37,680 Okay, uh... How much are we-- 187 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,320 Just 10 grand. 15 if you want. 188 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,080 Yeah, I think I want to help, 189 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,840 but I'll have to talk to Sharon. 190 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,920 You can't tell Sharon. She'll only worry about me. 191 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,560 And it would literally be, you know, five weeks, six tops! 192 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,560 So keep my kids alive. 193 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,360 It'll reflect very badly on you 194 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,640 if anything happens to them, plus I'll kill you. 195 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:55,760 Also, thank you. 196 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,600 - Bye-bye-bye. - Bye, Mummy. 197 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,520 Bye. Bye, Muireann. Bye-bye-bye. 198 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,520 I love you. Bye. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 199 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,720 Are you fucking kidding me? 200 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,440 Yeah, I am. 201 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:20,400 This joke cost me £12. I'm glad it worked. 202 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,920 Desolé. 203 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,840 I already know I'm going to be more attracted to you in France. 204 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,840 I'm going to order a tiny bottle of champagne. 205 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,600 I'm going to order three baguettes. 206 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,600 Aw! 207 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:33,160 I'm going to go grab my beret. 208 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,520 Sure. 209 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,480 - Do you like it? - I love it. 210 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,240 I had it completely refurbished for you. 211 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,680 Thank you. 212 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,240 Is this the hotel Johnny Depp stays in? 213 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,080 You know it is. Why do you keep asking me that? 214 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,000 Because it's fun. 215 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,200 Let's go straight up to the room. I need to freshen up. 216 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,880 I don't want Johnny to see me like this. 217 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,920 I think I'm going to have to pump before we go. 218 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,160 I see that French baby downstairs, 219 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,600 my tits just immediately balloon with milk. 220 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,080 - Have you seen the pump? - No, where'd you pack it? 221 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,800 If I knew that, I wouldn't be asking you, would I? 222 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,080 Oh, fuck. 223 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:30,880 I forgot the pump. 224 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,800 Oh, shit. 225 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,400 Did the handjob not work? 226 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,560 No, it did but the left one's already full again. 227 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,680 Well, do you want me to, you know... 228 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,800 - What? - Suck the milk? 229 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,760 I'll suck the milk out. I don't mind doing it. 230 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,400 I mind! 231 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,600 I didn't come to Paris to nurse my giant husband. 232 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,600 Well, it looks like we've got our signals crossed 233 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,360 because I specifically-- 234 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,680 What? At least I won't shit myself while I do it. 235 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,200 Muireann does that because she's relaxed. 236 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,440 She's like, "Oh, this is so--" 237 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:02,680 Yeah, I'm relaxed, too, 238 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,400 but I know how to keep my asshole closed 239 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,400 when I'm sucking a titty. 240 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,040 Will you ask in your French? 241 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,000 Oh, Christ. Did you not take French in school? 242 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,720 - No. I did German. - Really? 243 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,080 Say something to me in German. 244 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,040 No. 245 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,000 Huh. 246 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,040 - Bonjour. - Bonjour. 247 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,120 No. Uh... uh... 248 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:43,600 No, no. 249 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,000 Un instance, Monsieur. Excusez-moi. 250 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,920 Has she got any? 251 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,480 I don't know. She's-- She's asking her friend. 252 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,040 She doesn't seem to understand my question. 253 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,880 I'm going to get mastitis. Oh, my God. 254 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,320 I'm going to have to get antibiotics 255 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,440 from a French hospital. 256 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:09,560 What? What'd she say? 257 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,480 Look, nous avons besoin de-- 258 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:12,800 Tell her my tits are rock solid. 259 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,160 ...de lait de ma femme. 260 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,480 You know what's going to come out 261 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,040 next time I breast-feed? Not milk. 262 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,960 Blood and pus. 263 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,840 I know what chienne and psychopathemean. 264 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,840 Well, yeah, I was talking to her. 265 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,920 I was telling this... fucking psychopath 266 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,200 that if she doesn't help me get the milk out of my wife, 267 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:32,640 then I don't know what I'm going to do. 268 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,720 Oh, okay. 269 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,480 Alors... 270 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,040 Right. 271 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,440 I'm just going to... okay? 272 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,920 Order me the Frenchiest thing on the menu. 273 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,160 Okay. So like a cigarette stabbed through a baguette? 274 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,360 Merci. 275 00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,840 Hey, man. What's up? 276 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,160 - Are you in Paris? - Yep. 277 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,680 Is it still a shithole? 278 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,320 - No, it's, uh-- - Listen, 279 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,720 I just wanted to say I'm paranoid 280 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,520 about what we talked about the other day, 281 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,440 and it's between you and me. 282 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,360 - You can't tell Sharon. - Absolutely, I wouldn't-- 283 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,480 Good. I'm, uh, ahem, 284 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:17,080 just about to head into the cinema, so I've got to go. 285 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,360 All right, man. Well, I'll talk-- 286 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,160 God. 287 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,240 It needs bloody batteries. 288 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,400 Let's just eat and we'll just get some on the way 289 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,720 home. Ow. God, they're so sore. 290 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,000 Who was that on the phone? 291 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,120 Is everything okay with the babies? Ow. 292 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,200 Stop watching me drinking. 293 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,720 So just stop looking at you? 294 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,440 Aw. I'm not sure 295 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,160 I'm ever going to get used to having a husband 296 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,480 who I can't share just a lovely glass of lovely wine with. 297 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,520 It's really hard, you know, for me. 298 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:04,280 My fantasy was always that when I get to 60, 299 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,600 I'd have loads of money 300 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,240 and I could hire a bodyguard 301 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:08,440 to protect other people from me 302 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:09,840 and a driver so that I could drink 303 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,040 the way that I wanted to. 304 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,720 What? 305 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,160 So you're going to start drinking again? 306 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,880 No, I just thought it might be something 307 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,720 I might try again in the future. 308 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,440 Why are you even thinking about drinking? 309 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:20,800 - I'm not. - Yes, you are! 310 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:21,880 You just were. 311 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,960 Okay. Uh, here's a reason. 312 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,240 I might slightly fit in with your family 313 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,160 if I was splashing around in my own trough of Guinness. 314 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,680 What? 315 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,160 That's so anti-Irish. 316 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,640 Look, I wasn't-- 317 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,240 Forget the whole thing, okay? 318 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,320 I love your family. I love Ireland. 319 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,000 And sometimes I think about drinking. 320 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,280 - That's fucked up. - It's not fucked up. 321 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,720 - It is! - I don't drink. You do. 322 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,920 One could argue that you've had too many tonight. 323 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,160 Oh, could one? 324 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,520 You know, I'd love to fight with you, 325 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,400 but everybody else might not want their dinner 326 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,240 - ruined by our bullshit. - Right. 327 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,040 We're fighting because he's an alcoholic. 328 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,440 I'm going to the toilet. 329 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:01,480 Also, he hates Irish people. 330 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,480 I mean, I'm his wife for some reason, so that-- 331 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,440 Is anyone even listening to me? 332 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,840 Anyway, just get your head together. 333 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,280 Okay? And have a long, hard think about yourself. 334 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,800 I mean, married to a drunk. 335 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:16,880 Pardon. 336 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,000 My tits hurt. 337 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,920 Get over here. 338 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,040 They hate us here. We're scum. 339 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,760 No, they don't. French people get high off of this shit. 340 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,400 Fighting into kissing? 341 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,920 We just performed a live Fellini film for them. 342 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,920 - Fellini's Italian. - Good for him. 343 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,680 Do you want to go back to the hotel? 344 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,400 Yeah. 345 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,120 Oh, let's go to that bar we passed 346 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,880 with all the dodgy guys out the front first. 347 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,400 Why? 348 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,160 Because I want to get a little-- 349 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,400 - Weed. - Yeah, I got it. 350 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,480 Amaretto on the rocks. 351 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:20,720 Hey. 352 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:23,840 Kenneth? 353 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:24,800 No. 354 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,000 Kenneth? 355 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,720 Rob... 356 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,400 you sure you don't want some of this? 357 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,080 Yeah. I'm sure I don't want 358 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,480 any of your stinky French weed. 359 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,640 And if we get kicked out of this hotel 360 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,200 - because of the smell-- - As if they'd give a shit 361 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,840 about a bit of weed in this hotel. 362 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,920 Johnny Depp is a habitual weed smoker. 363 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,680 They c-can't have one rule for Johnny Depp 364 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:08,880 and one rule for me. 365 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,480 I'm pretty sure they can. 366 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,200 You're pumping while high? 367 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,000 Yeah. Why wouldn't I? 368 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,200 I mean, it's the best time to-- 369 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,160 Oh, sh-- 370 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,280 Ow. 371 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:32,600 Chris! 372 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,720 Chris! 373 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,600 - Dave. - Hey. 374 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:38,800 Shit, man. I didn't see you there. 375 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,040 What's, uh, what's up? 376 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,760 Ah, just a bit of midnight yoga. 377 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,200 Ah, this is Catherine, 378 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,960 my extraordinarily beautiful girlfriend. 379 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,560 - Hi. - Hi. 380 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,680 Street meat? I don't know what animal it is, 381 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,200 - but it tastes fucking brilliant. - No, thank you. 382 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,600 So what are you doing here? 383 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,200 Looking for a bit of cock-a-doodle-doo? 384 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,240 What? No. 385 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,120 I'm j-- I'm just messing with you, man. 386 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,520 Y-You wouldn't know it, but that door is actually 387 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,080 one of the biggest cock meat markets in London. 388 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,600 Right. Got you. Good to know. 389 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:10,000 No, I was just walking home from a movie. 390 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,240 Oh, cool. What did you see? 391 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,120 Adam Sandler's Fart Vacation. 392 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,520 I swear to God, I think I've broken a rib. 393 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,680 It's just every time I try and breathe, I-- 394 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,800 I just feel like I can't take proper breaths. 395 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,520 Sounds sore, honey. 396 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,840 If it's to clean the room, will you-- 397 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,720 ow-- will you tell them to come back later? 398 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,120 I forgot. I booked us a joint massage. 399 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:46,360 What? 400 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,440 Oh, God, this is terrible. 401 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,320 Can you tell them I've broken my rib? 402 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:52,800 Don't tell them how it happened, though. 403 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:53,840 Uh... 404 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,480 - Oui. - Merci. 405 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,440 Did you tell them we think it's broken? 406 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,800 - Yeah. - Okay. 407 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:09,960 Ow... 408 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,080 Bon. Tournez-vous, s'il vous plaît. 409 00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,480 I did German. 410 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,320 - Tournez-vous. Allez. - Up. 411 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,680 Comme ça. 412 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,360 Okay, okay. 413 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,960 That's better. 414 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,040 What? 415 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:58,880 Rob? 416 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,440 I think I've been assaulted. 417 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,480 What? 418 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,000 The man massaged my tits. 419 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:13,000 What man? 420 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,120 What man? The massager. 421 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,560 He massaged my tits. 422 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,280 What did you do? Did you ask him to stop? 423 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,080 No, I didn't. He w-- 424 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,440 It's Paris. You were asleep. 425 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,120 What do you want me to do? Do you want me to complain? 426 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,680 I tipped him. 427 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,800 You were asleep! 428 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,080 I had to pay them. You know, you have to tip. 429 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,040 It's Paris! 430 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,720 I don't know what you ordered. 431 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,800 Well, I didn't order that. 432 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,960 I'm not sure we can complain if you tipped him. 433 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,840 Do you want to go to the Pompidou Centre? 434 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,080 Yeah, all right. 435 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,160 You having a nice time? 436 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,840 Not really. 437 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,840 I don't think we're holiday people. 438 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:01,960 How do you mean? 439 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,600 Well, I just-- 440 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,280 I think we're good on a Tuesday, you know? 441 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,960 When it's raining. 442 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,200 Like, my favorite time in the last year 443 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,840 was when we pretended my arms didn't work, remember? 444 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,400 And you washed my hair and put that weird outfit on me. 445 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,560 Oh, my God. Yeah, that was the best. 446 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,040 Do you think it's bad we haven't had sex 447 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,240 even though we're in Paris? 448 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,120 I'm not saying this to upset you, 449 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,120 but I've had plenty of sex in Paris 450 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,760 and it's not special to have sex in Paris. 451 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,680 Fuck Paris. Is the food here that good? 452 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,680 I mean, we've only eaten cheese, if you think about it. 453 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,480 I'm going to take a shit in, like, February. 454 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,640 You know Fran's taken a lover? 455 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:40,880 Yep. 456 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,960 Poor Chris. 457 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,280 I think he'll be okay. 458 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,080 So just, you know-- 459 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,160 Just what? 460 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,840 Just, you know, don't... 461 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,800 Even though we're not having tons of sex, 462 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,360 don't take a lover, okay? 463 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,120 Well, I don't want to take a lover, but-- 464 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,320 Seriously, if you take a lover, 465 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:58,800 I will fucking take a lover, 466 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,360 whether I want one or not. 467 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,200 Okay. I won't take a lover. 468 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,000 Unless Alicia Keys responds 469 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,040 to the MySpace messages I sent her in 2004. 470 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,400 If you hook up with Keys, I'm going after Hamm. 471 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,400 Hamm? Say his full name. 472 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:13,720 Jon Barnaby Hamm. 473 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:14,680 Why Hamm? 474 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,160 His teeth are too small. 475 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,560 People don't talk about that. 476 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,440 This is good, isn't it? 477 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,480 This has been worth it, I think. 478 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:24,920 We would never have talked about this 479 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,240 if we hadn't come to Paris. 480 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:28,600 You having a nice time? 481 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:42,640 I'm going to go over there and assault him, okay? 482 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,800 Okay. Ah, just before you do that, just-- 483 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,640 I just want to quickly tell you something first. 484 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,400 Okay. 485 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,320 I may have come. 486 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,520 - What? - I'm not sure. I just-- 487 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,040 And-- And it was more of a plateau, 488 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,200 you know, than a full... 489 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,240 Ah, maybe... 490 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,040 Just because I enjoyed it doesn't make it right! 491 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,560 Right. No? 492 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,200 Should we just go up to the room? 493 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:08,640 Yeah. 494 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:12,920 Bonjour. 495 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:15,880 What time's our train? 496 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,280 6:13. 497 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:34,840 Do you think Johnny heard us? 498 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,520 He definitely heard us, 499 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,400 even if he's not staying here right now. 500 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,840 Is it bad that I came inside you? 501 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,920 No. 502 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,560 I don't know. 503 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,480 It's Paris. 504 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,120 You know, and if we end up conceiving a baby in Paris, 505 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,680 then... 506 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:04,040 I didn't think that through. 507 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:06,880 Oh, shit. 508 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,480 What are you doing? 509 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,120 What's it look like I'm doing? 510 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,000 I learned this in convent school. 511 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,600 Is it coming out? 512 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,920 Uh, I don't know. 513 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,360 Oh, look. There it goes. 514 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,400 Wow.